To all our highly valued clients and acquaintances:
Last month, I mentioned that this recently published article from the American Psychological Association (Created: March 10, 2022) gave me pause, like a weather report of our current state of relationships and community, both in the US and beyond.
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2022/03/inflation-war-stress
“Inflation, war push stress to alarming levels at two-year COVID-19 anniversary. APA calls for immediate steps to protect mental health as geopolitical turmoil, money stress pile on.” I also went on to cite and highlight the following salient quote from that article:
“We know from decades of research that healthy and supportive relationships are key to promoting resilience and building people’s mental wellness,” said Evans. “Particularly during periods of prolonged stress, it’s important that we facilitate opportunities for social connection and support.”
On this topic, we might take a page from the life of redwood trees. When redwoods mingle their roots, they stand strong against the wind and grow to incredible heights.
A few more thoughts about redwoods. Redwoods are trees of immense beauty, and physical stature. Redwoods are considered a symbolism of wellness, safety, longevity, wisdom, and communication. Redwoods have immense physical vitality, with rapid growth that supports its own life, and the life of other species. “Trees are crucial to maintaining a stable, human-friendly climate.” These trees are also resistant to most diseases, and do not have any disease-associated problems with them.
For us, when it comes to opportunities for social connection and support as key to promoting our resilience and building our wellness,” we become who we spend the most time with. We can know a lot about ourselves by knowing who our 5 closest personal relationships are – often identified as reference groups vs Facebook Friends.
The first time I heard someone advocate that they had over 500 friends on Facebook, I told them that they’d be lucky to have 5 good friends in the totality of their lifetime. 😊
To further clarify the definition of reference groups, they can be described as a community or group of people that we use as a standard of comparison for ourselves.
Consciously or unconsciously, we often rely on such reference groups to understand social norms, which then shape our values, ideas, behavior, and public appearances.
More than 90% of our health and success may be determined by our “reference group.” Reference groups can be the people with whom we habitually identify and invest time.
We can be like a chameleon in that we take on the attitudes, behaviors, values, and beliefs of the people with whom we associate most of the time. Associate with people who are optimistic and happy and who have goals and who are moving forward in their lives. At the same time, get away from and avoid negative, critical, complaining people.
Often, relationships can go through seasonal changes and (just like the weather), have their own unique phases to stretch and grow us in their own special ways.
Additionally, win-win dynamics can sometimes run their course for everyone involved.
In the last 2 years, I’ve experienced and seen a lot of re-evaluations going on for many people around their relationships and their priorities and then making healthy adjustments. Especially this time of year, it’s kind of like a spring cleaning for our lives.
As some say, if we want to fly with eagles, we can’t be scratching with turkeys.
We can sincerely wish all people well and move on, if necessary. We can always experiment and upgrade our reference group(s) or communities, who call us to be a certain way and to raise our standards, in an environment of relationships. We become those shared beliefs and ongoing conversations – as the expression goes, be careful what we ask for. May we choose well and then authentically wish everyone else well.
The intent of my recently published book is to provide processes to serve you in your efforts to move yourself forward, onward, and upward, beyond your circumstances and stresses. I encourage you to invest time to see for yourself how this may serve you in both your inner and your outer journeys as you traverse the mountain climbs of your life.
The 4-page chapter with written exercises (Your All-Important Sustainable Support System – Create Wind Beneath Your Wings & Your Power to Persist) starts on page 67.
To this end, I want to offer a few different ideas and strategies for your consideration to fortify your networks of support. This list may not be complete for you, and it may serve you to further identify and activate your own best approach. Do what works best for you.
To serve yourself well, invest a few minutes right now to jot down your current responses to any of these questions, to Continue to Build Your Support Systems.
- What “mental protein” are you personally reading on a consistent, daily basis, to fuel and energize your growing self?
- What are you listening to during any “classroom on wheels” drive time to stay abreast with the best and brightest people?
- What seminars, webinars, workshops, podcasts, or you-tube channels are you following to create returns on your resources?
- With whom do you have effective, low-cost, no-cost peer mentoring relationships to support each other to new heights?
- Are you taking online courses or, better yet, taking teachers who have relevant, lifetime bodies of work? If not, who could they be?
- What learning communities or professional associations can you participate in to regularly reinvigorate and revitalize yourself?
- Are you exercising yourself to energize and mobilize, hydrating yourself well with an abundance of water, getting sufficient rest, eating as well as you nutritiously can, and creating mutually rewarding, well-connected, life-giving, long-term relationships?
- No matter how good any of us already are, we stand to go even further and farther with great coaches and a strong network of accountable support. Any highly competitive, World-Class Athlete or Professional Entertainer continues to have a coach. Are you getting coached?
In this issue, I have included a guest editorial letter from a long-time friend, Steve Goldman. Steve teaches Crisis Management at MIT and provides consulting services in crisis management, crisis communications, and crisis leadership throughout the world.
Steve offered this letter to me a few weeks after we had a “Celebration of Life Zoom” in March 2021 for a dear friend from our hometown community, Allen Keme. Allen had suddenly passed in summer of 2020 and unfortunately, we didn’t hear about it ‘til 2021.
I think Steve’s letter speaks well to the preciousness and supportive value of community – of intentionally getting and staying in communication with important people in our life.
May it serve you as additional inspiration as you strengthen your own support network.
Healthy Communities and Networks of Support Can Sustain and Empower Us
What communities or associations can you participate with on a regular basis to reinvigorate and revitalize yourself as you stay abreast of all that is important for you?
Many people tell me that “life’s curve balls” can be a time to revisit what really matters.
Where can you get support? Who can you support? It could be a time for new choices and opportunities. Are you getting and giving all the help you can? What is next for you?
Creating relationship environments of support contribute tremendously to your resiliency. As you define and optimize your support systems, you can put yourself in a much better position to have even greater momentum to keep moving yourself forward.
Shall we explore how best to expand our future efforts together?
Again, I look forward to further communications in the weeks ahead, as we all work to strengthen and expand our effectiveness for greater freedom and fulfillment through both increased self-awareness and creative collaborations. We can all be fully engaged in worthy directions for satisfying solutions, as part of a forever journey that life can be.
Wishing for You the Best Possible Year in 2022 and way beyond…
With sincere and deep appreciation,
Coach Don
