View this email in your browser What should we do? Why should we do it? Based on…? What was then and what is now?  This quote is often attributed to C.S. Lewis To all our highly valued clients and acquaintances: What does the word ‘should’ imply? ‘Should’, for me, typically represents a sense of duty and obligation to do what’s right – what’s socially agreed upon (in terms of) what works and what’s true, given our seriously shared commitments and points of view. Our much desired and needed futures may be dependent upon ‘shoulds’. I, for one, am in a period of self-reassessment – like a life audit. I am working on doing an autobiography exercise that is causing self-reflection. What do I want to be now that I might be starting to grow up? Although I often say that (tongue in cheek), to colleagues, we are playing with lifetime project ideas (or at least long-term and subject to change), that are also fulfilling and satisfying for us. We are looking to create worthy, life crescendo and culmination-like projects at this point in the game, as an art. One of my colleagues declared that she is inspired and committed to a life designed around “how to best support young people in creating their lives”. I quickly invited her to talk – https://www.donsardella.com/special-initiatives/ I am not as driven and accomplishment focused, as in years past. At this stage in life, frankly, is it even necessary? Does it really help what matters? What’s really important to you now, that only you can bring to life? What should we do? Why should we do it?Based on…? What was then and what is now? In this brief article, the author writes about Two Major Problems with Using the Word “Should” and then offers 3 Empowering Alternatives to consider. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-the-word-should-can-be-harmful-3-empowering-alternatives/ As she concludes in her article: “Removing the word “should” from your vocabulary will take time, patience, and practice. But it is possible, and it comes with great rewards. Replacing “should” with more helpful dialogue will lead to a kinder relationship with yourself and better relationships with the people around you too.” There are many shifts in thinking going on in the world right now. This brings forth a lot of questions about personal freedom and happiness.For example, amongst our youth and in families across the US, consider: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live With Their Parents https://www.visualcapitalist.com/us-young-adults-living-with-their-parents/ Welcome to the YOLO Economy – The New York Times https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/21/technology/welcome-to-the-yolo-economy.html Changes are afoot and happening for most – what best for us to do? “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” – Henry David Thoreau The idiom ‘to march to the beat of a different drummer’ means to act independently and to behave differently than what is expected or is the norm. Someone who “marches to his own beat” is a person who is not constrained by social norms or rules. Maybe time to consider the following: Based upon what principles and points of view are we choosing? Will they be as timeless and universal as we can access for ourselves? Will our choices help to make our lives incredible and provide meaning? Will we experience a sense of transcendent fulfillment as we contribute? Will we experience a sense of belonging, as part of a family or community? Will we make the best difference we can, with a light touch for high impact? Change happens when not changing is more painful than changing? In terms of your conversations and standards for yourself and with yourself: What are you choosing to be committed to? To whom? For how long? Many articles have been written by mental health counselors and self-help books preaching about not paying attention to what you should do. They’re talking about your beliefs about what others think you should do, such as parents, children, friends, or colleagues. They may also be referring to old, lingering beliefs instilled during your childhood by well-meaning, but misguided grownups (or even some grownups who were not well-meaning). There is, however, a form of shoulding that makes sense. That’s when you ask yourself what you should be doing to live in harmony with your beliefs and values, the important people in your life, and the universe. “What you think of me is none of my business.” – Source Unknown For Your Consideration: What Should You Do? How are your relationships? What about your relationships with your coworkers, your customers, your children, your parents, your spouse or life partner, and your friends? The health of your interpersonal relationships can be an indication of your emotional and/or mental health. As you work on self-help, are you careful about who you let into your head and heart? Are the people who influence you kind and thoughtful? Be careful about people who aren’t like that. Do your influencers lift you up or are they judgmental? Do you nurture relationships with the positive people in your life? How do you manage your relationships with energy-draining people? What are you doing to repair relationships with those you may have hurt? Given what we are committed to, what are some possible ‘shoulds’? We should maintain our dignity, self-respect and composure.We should be as honest as we can with ourselves and others.We should be most thoughtful, mindful, reflective, meditative.We should be wise about who we interact with and about what. We should live life in a spirit of curiosity, discovery and wonder.We should be kind and treat others with caring, empathic respect. To avoid the potentially deadening restraints of unhealthy “should” thinking and to more fully access the power of innovative, possibility thinking, perhaps consider a few possibilities of possibility thinking? Possibility thinking can fuel your personal energies.Possibility thinking can draw even greater people to you.Possibility thinking can keep you from giving in and giving up.Possibility thinking can allow you to reclaim your personal powers. Possibility thinking can provide passion, momentum and resilience.Possibility thinking can increase probabilities to have happier times.Possibility thinking can make it possible to rise above all circumstances. If at first you don’t succeed, learn what you can and try, try again?? Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=088Fb1HnUr0 (Book Summary in 5 mins, 34 secs) May you always be and do whatever enlivens you the most. I recommend that you keep as many of your bedrock baseline activities as steady and buoyant as possible while doing any rethink and/or reinvention. I’m looking for ways to add value beyond where we have been so far and to keep everything interesting for everyone I’m working with and connected to. I intend to chase innovative, productive, profitable, growth focus activities with people I enjoy interacting with on as regular basis – being on the lookout for ways to create joyous, value-filled time. I celebrate our freedom to be and freedom to act, in service to others and especially for any pain-reducing, greater good. I intend to stay open with an unceasing curiosity and a desire for greater discovery of frontiers where we haven’t yet been. My intent is to have my life and others’ lives be as invigorating as possible – with all of its likely challenges and unforeseeable curve balls. Along the way, I trust my capacity and this process and will support others to create. We are gratefully yours and at your service,  Coach DonSpecial offer – free (no fee) – for 30 minutes – I’m here to add value & to serve – to be my best and to do my best – I promise at least one idea to help improve your work performance and your well-being. FREE 30-minute Coaching Session. As a matter of principle and good practice, even if you don’t consult with us, we do recommend that you talk to another professional. Copyright © Institute for Leadership Development, LLC 2021 14700 Washington Avenue, Suite 115 – San Leandro, CA 94578 Email: don@donsardella.com Phone: (480) 580-7863 |
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